because i needed to ejaculate like a stressed squid

It is incredibly cognitively taxing to study a full-time load of second/third year mathematics and computer science subjects. I spend literally every waking hour thinking through abstracta in my head. I have left the super-symbolic realm. I can hardly remember where I'm walking.
And Christ is learning C a pain...

And it's the first time in my life that I've been spending hours (more than 20!) of intense, feverish concentration on single intellectual projects which nevertheless end up as failures before deadline (like that sum-identity proof that I couldn't get out for Discrete Mathematics and Graph Theory Adv today, after two days of utterly single-minded obsession and literally about 20 pages of scribbling). Oh well!

I wish I had more time to do my old things. Moving out again in a week. And intermittently reading a small, old history book I got from my Newcastle grandparents' library in early 2017 (?) (late December 2016?) called The Economic Development of Australia. I picked it off the shelf all that time ago because I thought it would be a great source to savage libertarian arguments against protectionism in larval or fledgling states, back when I was exercised by economic arguments and thought it was my duty (/thought it might be impressive to some people/made me feel good) to write long essays against economic thinking which grated strongly against my moral dispositions and which I thought was clearly fallacious and stupid. One apparently sensible story I can adduce to explain why this concerns me somewhat less now is that I think even just in the last two years the power of the ideology of social democracy has grown immensely while the influence of right-wing libertarianism has waned massively, especially as many right-wing libertarians have transmogrified into white nationalists. Regardless of the veracity of the claim (and I think this consideration ranks lowly in terms of the causal story of how I came to be less preoccupied with matters of 'economics' (mostly it was finding other things to spend my time thinking about, and that I just generally became somewhat less emotionally exercised by politics)) I shall not be writing about economics for a while. I may, however, extract some passages from this book as a middle finger to my ideological enemies on this matter.

Still trying to fill that void in my life... War never changes